Have you ever asked yourself..
Why do I feel like I have been taken advantage of? Used? I avoid prefer to avoid conflict. I just want to be nice? I want others to like me? Why are others asking me for favors..all the time? Why can't I say no? Why do I keep getting 'bad' contractors? As a business owner, why are some people not paying their bills on time?
If you answered yes to any these questions, it is an indication that you have not set healthy boundaries for yourself and possibly your business.
Creating clear boundaries will dramatically improve your life, as it helps to define ourselves in relation to others. In order to do this though, we need to be able to identify our needs, feelings, and opinions. If we don't do this, it would be like putting up a fence in our backyard and not knowing about where the property lines are.
Sometimes, we may have already identified our boundaries but they may be unguarded or weak this can let in stuff that actually might not be our stuff and we give away our personal energy unconsiously.
This means you are dealing with a breach in your personal energy security system. It is an indication that some work needs to be done, some boundaries need to be tightened up, and some balance in yourself needs to happen.
- Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge.
One of my experiences as a business owner with my own boundary is I was too lenient on a business transaction. This person was an aquaintance of mine and I didn't set the boundary - I wasn't clear to her and myself. Which then led to me not being paid. The lesson I learned is to work on valuing myself.
How to set clear, healthy boundaries
- Trust and believe in yourself. You are the highest authority on you. You know yourself best. You know what you need, want, and value. Don't let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. An unhealthy imbalance occurs when you encourage neediness, or are needy; want to be rescued, or are the rescuer, or when you choose to play the victim.
- Complaining is a sign. When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, hear where you need to set your boundaries. Once you are clear, communicate them to whom has overstepped
- Don't feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed. At first, you will probably feel these emotions when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don't let low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
- Be clear. When you feel the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, in as few words as possible. Do not apologize, justify, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Be clear.
- Stand your ground. When you begin to set boundaries, be prepared to be tested by those that have manipulated, abused, or controlled you. Plan on it, expect it...BUT stand your ground. Your behaviour needs to match the vibration of your boundaries you are setting. If you cannot be clear you are sending mixed messages - ie apologizing. Be firm, clear, respectful.
- Be mindful of You. You cannot set a boundary and take care of someone else's feelings at the sI me time. You are not responsible for the other persons reaction to your boundaries. Communicate it in a respectful way and if others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they choose to not remain friends that's okay - YOU do not need people who in your life who don't respect your boundaries.
Happy creating some healthy boundaries!!